Mac’s Plight or Cowie Capers
by Herb Hedeen
An unbelievably true story
The summers are hot in Grand Junction, Colorado. My friend, Howard McConnell, known to all his friends, as Mac, needed a haircut. He went to his favorite barber on Main Street. Now Mac was the kindest man you would ever meet. He was everyone’s friend. Mac would do anything for anyone without question. He didn’t have an enemy in the world. His lovely wife, Emily, was just as kind and considerate. They entertained frequently and were frequent guests in friend’s homes. Emily died prematurely. On this particular day Mac parked his new '68 four-door blue Dodge a few doors down from the shop at about 2:00 in the afternoon. Traffic was moderately heavy on Main Street. In most middle-sized towns in Colorado, Main Street was the cross-country highway. In the 1960’s freeways that circumvented towns had not been build yet. So all vehicles, commercial trucks; 57-foot semis, cattle trucks, RV’s, delivery trucks, vacationers, everyone was channeled through the town’s business district.
Mac was not long in the barbershop and when he returned to his new Dodge sedan, he found it spattered on the entire left side with a real plastering of cow manure. Not only was the entire side reeking with the sweet essence of the barnyard, but also Mac had left the air vent open on the driver’s side to keep the inside cool while he was parked in the sun. He hadn’t bargained for bossie’s benevolent gesture to add her powerfully pungent perfume to the atmosphere. The gooey mess was smeared all over the chrome and marbled dashboard. Those familiar with this model of 1968 Dodge know that those car’s dashboards were quite ornate with chrome front and laminated plastic to simulate a marble effect.
Of course, my first question would be, “Who would pull such a dirty trick on such an nice guy as Mac McConnell, a peace-loving all around great guy and everyone’s friend?”
Being who he was, Mac’s first thought would not be to accuse anyone of mischief. His mind was never tuned to the negative. Mac was a positive thinker. He thought, “How am I going to get home to clean this mess off of and out of my new car?” He went back to his barber and asked for a bucket of water. He splashed the water on the outside of the stinky auto, enough to be able to climb in and drive home. His drive was any thing but odor-free.
It took him days to clean out the caked up crevices between the chrome mountings. He would brush the large sections, but he had to resort to an old toothbrush and toothpicks to dig deeper. The longer it stayed in the deep crevices the harder the dung got. He complained to no one.
After all was cleaned up, he mentioned the unbelievable incident to some friends. They stood looking at Mac incredulously. How could any thinking person do a deed like that?
As he discussed the happenings of that hot summer’s day on Main Street in Grand Junction, Colorado, collectively he and his friends concluded that ironically, as a bovine truck passed by Mac’s parked car, bossy, without malice of thought had to do what all cattle must do wherever nature calls. When they gotta go, they gotta go and Mac’s car was the recipient of a load of cow dung whether he liked it or not.
Submitted by Anonymous
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