My 1st Love NULL

I met him last year on an occasion held by my aunt at her place. He too came there as he is my cousins close friend & we are of same age 22. I did know about him little that we are pursuing same higher studies. On our 1st meeting I find him very annoying. I didn't like him at 1st place but after that we met twice. I was keep thinking about him & getting angry without any reason. After 2 weeks my result of entrance exam was out. I failed in exam to know about it he got my mobile no. From my brother & called me. He was too failed. I was very disappointed by my performance. But In our conversation he was encouraged me. we started to chat on what's app. He was very mischievous & jolly. We decided to reappear for exam. Every day we were chatting endlessly. Some changes in me I was observing. I was getting obsessed with him.Every day when he what's app me I was smiling like an Idiot. We were sharing our childhood pics to each other on which we laughed so I was smiling without reason. Started to dance without background music. & one fine moment I started to think it's just attraction or something else? But I knew it was not like a usual crush. It was something i never felt for any1. For me everything started to look so beautiful. In nights i was keep thinking about him. One day when we were talking on phone he said your voice is so sweet, you look so beautiful. Ohh god!! He got me. After 2-3 days, at night I expressed my feelings about him. He was in shocked that he never thought about me like I did. Never felt anything about me. He was just chatting with me like any other friend of him. But I made him cleared that Its only from my side. I didn't expect him to have same feeling for me. He was relieved & started to say how I was bold to express about my feeling so gently. But it didn't stop their I was again drawn to him & i knew it was not just an attraction. It was more than that. Was this love? Which every1 said. Which Romeo felt for Juliet. That feeling was so strong that I wanted to propose although I knew I would not get affirmative response. Still I did what my heart told me to do. I proposed him through text & He called me within 5 minutes. He was bit angry on me. He was trying to convince me that he knew what exactly I was feeling for him but he was helpless as he too love som1 deeply. I could sense that he was disappointed by my act. He ended our chat with advise to focus on my studies. I was heartbroken. After that we stopped chatting, sharing pics, talking on phone. I knew it would happened somehow. This sudden non-communication hit me hard. Few week's I did not get proper sleep at night. I cried a lot. Days passed by doing nothing. Whole day I was staring at wall ceiling. My mum could sensed that something bothering me. But due to having brought up in conservative family I didn't tell her. Did i make a mistake? by loving som1 without expecting same in return. Why did i go mad about him?. Every day this question bothered me. But no proper answer was coming. Then I told to my friends about it they was like don't worry dear It happens. You didn't take time to know him better. I was very much confused about everything or due to I was in depression of my failure in exam drawn me towards him. But I did what I find correct to do.Didn't want to live with a guilt that I didn't express my feelings when I could. Now It' been over nine months. Still I miss him badly & love him with whole heartedly. Last month I again happened to see him on one of cousins wedding. I had decided if we met I would like to became friend with him again. But he purposely ignored me. Which hurt me little bit then I too ignored it. After coming from wedding his appearance still haunts me. I still miss him.

Dear Amel, I have spent precious months of life only thinking about. Although I expressed my feelings for you. Your non-acceptance hurted me very well. Some days were like I just wanted to take my life but I could not. At night I could not breathe but yes times heals everything if you believe in it. So I want to stop this once for all so I am writing this for my peace of mind. So again I can start to love myself more than any1.

Submitted by Anonymous


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