Life. A 33 year-old mother. Wife. I have been in many holes and pushed my way out. Drugs, alcohol, death, near death myself, abusive relationships, illnesses, depression....it has happened.
I am here now. Now is what matters.
Sometimes, I found strength in others, but mostly let down by their lack of understanding.
Strength. Strength that I have not let myself forget I possess. And I will not let myself take it away.
Inner and owned strength is what got me to now.
Sometimes, I hate more than I believe. Why is it all so hard. Every thing. And always, down the road - I find out why it all takes so much. It is almost unbearable to get through at times. I become too familiar with phrases to get me through.
"They grow up fast!"
" Live, Laugh, Love"
"Stop and smell the roses."
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
"Life, it's the journey not the destination."
When will I actually live these words? These phrases tattooed and hung all around. Did I see or hear these phrases too often to actually feel the weight of their meaning? Why isn't that wooden carving above my bed actually motivating me and reminding me to be and live what it spells?
I have become numb to what this life really is.
I need challenge, I need to change the monotonous. I forget sometimes how wonderful and miraculous life actually is. How we were all created to be glorious.
With the birth of each of my babies, during that first night. Us. All alone. This precious soul, so malleable, so vulnerable staring at me, quiet and in my arms. I held those babies and knew from that second on they would hurt. They would hurt, and grieve and suffer. In those moments of pain, I promised them it would be hard, and we would get through it. We will have a lot to figure out together and we were going to have fun. We would work hard and cry and smile and laugh. I promised to always be truthful the best way possible. I would never-ever go to bed not feeling that I had not done everything in my efforts and exhausted every single thread in my body to guide them and to be a Mom. They were created to be incredible and I was responsible. From that very first moment I held them. This is it little baby, no excuses. Life is upon you-now. So let's get up and go. It's going to be unbearable at times, but I am here and so are you. Keep going, keep reaching, keep pushing. Get there harder and faster. Talk, get real with yourself. You are loved and incredible, just as the day of your birth.
Much Love Forever,
Submitted by Anonymous
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