I am in my 3rd period on a B day when my friend came in and sits next to me. I realize that she is acting different. I see a quick glance at her wrists- she is trying to hide them. There are some fresh scars and I ask myself, “Is she ok? What’s going on? Does she have anyone to talk to?”
Suddenly I remember the time where everything felt off around my house and noticed that my parents were acting strange. They wouldn’t talk to each other as often anymore, and they fought more than they usually would. One day my sister yelled out, “YAIRA! Come to my room!” I was wondering what she wanted so I decided to go to her room. When I walked in she told me, “Close the door…” She was acting strange and I felt my stomach turn a little when I closed the door behind me. I sat down at the edge of her bed, anxious for what I was about to be told. My sister, Vianka, sat up straight and the words began flowing out of her mouth, “Mom has been cheating on dad…” I didn’t know what to think at the moment. There was no reaction coming out of my body other than tears flowing down my cheeks.
After the big news that I was just told by Vianka I was in my room with the lights off and the door locked so no one would see me crying. Some minutes passed and I decided to go into my sister’s room again to ask her a series of questions: When did you find out? Do you know who she’s cheating with? How long has this been going on? Does dad, Diana or Jocelyn know? There were so many questions that were running through my mind. Vianka answered all of the questions I asked. I was surprised by what I was hearing the next day I decided I would go out just so I could get things off my mind. I invited my sister to come with me and my cousin to go watch a movie. When we got to the movies the tickets were sold out so we had to wait for the other showing, so we decided to go eat something while we were waiting.
While we were waiting for our food to get to our table my cousin was asking questions about how my parents were doing. She was getting really into the conversation and all Vianka and I were doing was answering her questions. Suddenly she said, “Diana and Jocelyn are your guys half-sisters right?” After she said that I felt like I just been hit by a truck driver. All I could say was, “What? We didn’t know…” I slowly glanced over at Vianka and it looked like she had just seen a ghost. My cousin thought we had known but we didn’t which made my stomach turn more than it did earlier. Once the movie was over I got home, ran into my room, and I started crying again all I could hear was knocking on my door and I knew it was Vianka. I just ignored the knocking and I dosed off.
Finally I woke up from sleeping. I checked the time and it was 6:10 a.m. School started at 7:45 a.m. and I did not want to get up what so ever but I decided to get up anyway. After getting to school there were so many people that were bugging me and I just didn’t want to be there. My best friend Katie noticed that there was something going on with me. All she said was, “Are you ok?” After I heard those words tears were bursting out of my eyes and all I wanted her to do was hold me in her arms. All I felt was her warmth and it made me feel like I had someone there for me. When I got home, reality hit me. I felt this emptiness inside me. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on, so every day I would go to school looking like I was the happiest person on the earth but no one knew that I was dying on the inside.
I started hurting myself because I felt that I was responsible for my parents fighting more than they already did and I felt that I didn’t belong in my family. While all of these things were happening I would lock myself in my room so everyone just thought that I was sleeping- but the reality was, I wasn’t sleeping. Every day when I was in my room I would lose a part of me. The secrets just kept popping up and it felt like I was getting punched in the face every time a new one came up. One day I couldn’t hide my pain and frustration anyone. I broke down, I kept on crying in my room, threw things across the room, ripped posters off my wall while screaming, “Why me! I hate my life!”
Finally I decided to take my own life away. I ran into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was mascara running down my face and my eyes were red from how much I was crying. I saw a pair of scissors. I held them in my hand for a while, thinking how it would feel. I finally said to myself, “I’m sorry…” When I was about to do it, I thought about how my family and friends would react to it. The pain and depression that I felt would be passed on to them and I didn’t want that for them. Putting the scissors down was hard but I told myself “…don’t let mom and dad’s problems and secrets get to you, focus on what’s in store.”
There are times when I think of that day and realize I made a good choice. Rather than hurting myself when I’m mad or upset I listen to music and I let my pain show through that. Suddenly I snapped back to what is currently going on in class. I turn over to my friend and tell her, “Hey, is everything ok? If you ever need someone to talk to I will always be here for you.” After saying that she just gave me a smile and said, “Thank you…” I’m glad that I was the one to help my friend through her problems and hopefully I can help someone else in the future.
Submitted by Anonymous
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