The Rep you have and the one you want NULL

Now living in my teens at 16 my entire life I have been having to prove myself to everyone around me that I'm not weak based on my size standing now at 5'2 my turnIng point started when I was about 4 going on 5 when I witnessed my dad beat my mom in front of me until the cops showed up I was without a dad for a little while until he got bailed out and ever since then I have been raised by my mom who I believe is the strongest women I have met. Growing up in my elementary years and middle school I have made wrong friends and choices and hurt others in the proccess and continue to and have nearly been to jail twice once for breaking and entering and the second for possession of stolen property I have always thought that the only thing I'm good at is doing bad and lately I've put my self down a lot seeing my friends and how they always do bad and have good things happen to them In their lives especially one of my best friends who is tall and gets girls and has this good life when all he does is hurt people and I don't understand how life works. I don't want to be a bad person I don't to hurt others anymore and I hate having to prove myself to everybody Ive been working out for a while now to get ripped to prove to everybody Ive been living by how can you love yourself when others dont love you and that's all I really want out of life is to love and know that someone loves u i still think today why girls don't want to be with me is because I'm short. But I know I'll have it soon to help my mind get off things I enjoy watching mob movies each mobster has their own story and what they went through to become something powerful like that it kinda motivates me in a way and to automatically be feared and respected and be rich and gets whatever they want because their a boss but those are movies I feel tha I have only one good friend left in the world, my buddy Dylan, who I can talk to about anything and that's another thing that I have thats good is a friend like him. Most part of my life are the friends I have and had and most of them keep me from changing from the ones I've known since 1st grade, the friends I've had in the hood streets of my dads nieborhood, and most of the ones I have in high school. Even with the few friends I consider good and my loving mom I'm still hurting and angry. For along time I've been trying to make a big name for myself or to prove that I'm stronger than everybody thinks I am but I just wish I could start over and all I want to do is love. Theirs only one thing that pushes me forward HOPE

Submitted by Anonymous


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