I’m texting a friend, while she’s freaking out on me because something hard just happened. She asks me for help. Suddenly I go back about two years ago and remember about overcoming my addictions and disorders. It’s the first day of seventh grade and I was scared, terrified, and alone. Maybe more like I felt that way. I had problems at home and things had happened to me in the past as a child but no one knew but me. The memories would play through my mind like if they were on replay.
As a child I was taught to never speak of what you were going through. That you are on your own. Getting help in my family was a sin. For about ten years I kept secrets, held in pain, and always kept my emotions to myself. So the second week of seventh grade I was walking home. I was very depressed and I had no coping skills. Then as I was about to cross the street I found a blade. The 1st thing that popped into my head was how I heard people in the bathroom stalls at school saying it was a good way to get over your pain and what you felt inside. Being as desperate as I was, I picked it up.
When I got home I was nervous and I didn’t really know what to do. I sat in my room for a while. Then the thoughts and memories rushed through my head. I finally took the blade and “scratched” myself. The 1st time was very small and only one because I wasn’t comfortable with it nor was I prepared. The days went by and things were getting worse school was new more work new people, just terrifying. Then at home the problems got bigger they were getting scarier, and I felt like my whole life was out of control.
I dealt with these things the only way I knew how. I stopped eating because as a child I was put down from the people closest to me. These addictions and disorders were hard at 1st but the depression was a big help. I was at my worst. My grades dropped, I stopped attending classes, and I lost interest in things that I love most. Towards the end of seventh grade I bought Demi Lovato’s new album at the time. I listened to this one song “skyscraper”. This song spoke to me. Every time I would “scratch” myself that song would play through my head.
Finally one day something happened I thought I reached my breaking point. I was ready to give up and throw everything away. I was alone in my empty dark room. Nobody was home. Then finally I had taken something but they didn’t work I just slept for about twenty hours straight. No one in the house noticed I would wake up for like two minutes and fall right back asleep. They all thought I was just being lazy and would yell at me. “GET UP!!” My dad would yell. “I’m trying,” I would respond.
I finally was able to wake up right. I then went online and searched up Demi. I saw interviews and listened to more music. Those songs mean the world to me. The things I saw and heard her say just motivated me. A few days later I finally decided to tell my counselor. She called my mom. “Hello my name is Ms. Harbertson can you please come on down to school?” My counselor said. “Yes…” My mom replied. The day we met I was biting my nails, pinching my skin. My mom was pale. My counselor was tearing up. Everything was quiet. I felt like I was in a coffin. Breathing was hard like a fish without water. My mom was no help.
I’m back in the moment and I tell my friend that you and only you can make yourself better. I still to this day struggle with relapsing and depression. But you have to let things go to overcome. Power through it keep going even if you’ve fallen 3,000 times you just have to keep going.
Submitted by Anonymous
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